Children & Boundaries

Age Appropriate Boundaries: Let me first of all stress the individuality and uniqueness of children. Not every child is the same, so not every child responds to the same things. However, there are some basic common denominators for children at different ages and stages. As Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend bring out in their book, Boundaries, the first Ten Months of a child's life is more about "safety" than anything else. Setting boundaries for this stage of life is more about keeping them out of danger than it is discipline or instruction.

11 Months-5 Years: Discipline and instruction boundaries become increasingly important during this stage. Children must learn that they are not the center of the universe and that there are limits and consequences in life. The key from this stage on is to break the "will" without breaking the "spirit" of the child. Listen to my heart here, "If you don't get your children's heart by the time they're 5 years old, they will most likely break yours down the road."

6 Years-1o Years: This is certainly debatable with the way changes are happening so fast in today's world, but children in this stage are in the last years of childhood. This is the time when we need to establish boundaries of character such as: work ethic, respect for authority, responsibility of one's on actions, delay of gratification, goal orientation, and management of time and money!!!

11 Years- 18 Years: Now the transfer is beginning. The goal of "Boundaries" from protective boundaries to instructive boundaries to discipline boundaries is to transfer the authority more and more from us to God. At this stage we need to move more from controlling to influencing. If you have set good boundaries along the way, this will be an easier transition. If you wait until their 13 to try to get control of them, you've waited TOO late! The most important lesson to remember at this point, is that not every mountin is worth dying for. The goal is to increase their level of responsibility as their level of freedom increases.

ALL INCLUSIVE: The greatest thing you can do for your children is COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE. You must care about and be involved in their lives. If you keep the lines of communication open, if your children know that they can talk to you about anything without fear of judgment, if they know you will be honest with them, if they know that you love them... you can survive child rearing!!! Affirmation must be exponential in relation to discipline. For every negative there needs to be 10 positives. Be FOR your kids! Be their biggest fan, their biggest cheerleader. I must have told my kids every day of their lives, "No matter what, I'll always be your friend first. I may be disappointed in you, I may discipline you, but I will always love you. Nothing you can do will ever embarrass me, because I love you for being my child, not what you do. Never, never forget that I am here for you." Although we were far from perfect parents, Lord knows we made plenty of mistakes we'd love to go back and change. But to God's glory, I'm proud of every one of my 4 children and I love them even more today than ever before!
Blessings,
Pastor Mike